I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
