Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
