Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
