My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
