Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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