i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
