Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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