yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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