i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
