I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
