haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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