Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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