you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
