my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
