Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
