i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
