A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
