drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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