Say something about gay babies.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
