my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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