Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
