who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
