69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
