Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
