Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
