I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
