What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
