im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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