Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you will always have a special place in my vag
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
