There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
