his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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