he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
