How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
