grandma shit on top of the toilet
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
