There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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