i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
