yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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