I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
