I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
