I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
