Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
