Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
