Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
