Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
