I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
