Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
