my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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