Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
