well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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