Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
