Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
