I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
