Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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